- Ther's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
- Don't Squat with yer Spurs on!
- Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
- The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
- Good Judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that come from Bad Judgement.
- If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and them to make sure it's still there with ya.
- When you give a personal lesson in meaness to a feller, don't be surprised if he learns it real well.
- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.
- Always drink upstream of the herd.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Tellin' a man to get lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
A Cowboy stops at the local watering hole for a drink. As he leaves, he finds his horse has been stolen! He goes back to the bar, handily flips his gun over his shoulder, spins it one handed over his head, fires a shot into the ceiling, then spins the gun back to the holster without looking. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?" he demands forcefully. But there's no answer. "All right, I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shift restlessly, and when he walks back outside, his horse is back! As he mounts up to leave, the bartender wanders out and asks, "Say pardner, before you go . . . what happened in Texas?" The cowboy smiled and said, "I had to walk home!"